Love and Abuse
Psychology & Relationships
About
Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of difficult behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse offers the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage.You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a psychological game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.https://loveandabuse.com/
Episodes
- If you don't draw the line on how much is too much, you won't have a line
This episode discusses the impact of repeated boundary violations in abusive relationships, leading to a complete loss of personal limits and empowering controlling behaviors.
- How does an abusive person become an abusive person?
This episode of Love and Abuse discusses the origins of abusive behavior, examining potential causes such as childhood trauma, mental health conditions, or a combination of factors.
- Getting conned into taking an unhealed abuser back
This episode discusses the manipulation tactic of appearing changed to win back an unhealed abuser. It notes that while some abusers can heal, others may return solely to deceive again.
- Do mutually abusive relationships have a chance?
This episode discusses mutually abusive relationships, characterized by hurtful, controlling, and manipulative behaviors from both partners. It examines the challenges involved when overcoming these dynamics requires simultaneous change fr…
- The superiority complex of misogynists
This episode of Love and Abuse discusses the superiority complex common in misogynists, explaining how it drives abusive behavior. It details why abusers often target those they see as weaker, linking their actions to deep-seated insecurit…
- When you won't see an emotionally abusive person change
You can't fix what's unwilling to be fixed. And when someone would rather you and the relationship suffer and crumble than work on improving themselves, you might have only one choice left.
- Did you sign up for a life of indentured servitude?
If you feel trapped in a maze of emotional manipulation, hoping for a change that never comes, you might realize you've signed up for something you didn't expect and certainly don't want. There's a history lesson in this episode that may g…
- They say they love you but they hurt you anyway
Some people seem to care but then do awful things. When they do, it's hard not to question if they love you at all.
- I feel like a bad person for being abusive back
Sometimes emotionally abusive people heal and change. Sometimes they just... change. Either way, when the victim of their behavior gets a "break", they might discover a lot of buried emotions that are just itching to come out.
- The healed emotional abuser is more than just a behavioral change
I've seen emotionally abusive people heal and become completely different people. You wouldn't even recognize them! And when you no longer recognize the person who's hurt you over and over again, that might be a very good thing.
- Do we talk about divorce during the argument or the calm period
When you've decided to leave the emotionally abusive relationship, when is the best time to bring it up? During the storm or the calm?
- Do I accept that this is how theyll be forever
Some behaviors are unacceptable. Some people are unacceptable. Just what should you accept and what should you do when you can't? Emotional abuse has a tendency to make you feel completely powerless, unable to make such decisions.
- When its impossible to get away from all the toxic behavior
Some relationships end but continue leaving destruction in their wake. Some don't end and you suffer through the daily drip-feeding of emotionally abusive behaviors until you lose your sanity. When there's no way away from all the toxicity…
- Dont call them what they really are, it will work against you
Calling a duck a duck makes sense. But this logic works against you in the emotionally abusive relationship. Calling out an abusive person for who they are might just turn the whole thing around on you.
- Total defeat and burnout in the emotionally abusive relationship
Every relationship should have stopping points when you feel yourself slipping away. Emotional abuse operates as a slow drip-feeding of toxic behaviors that gradually erode boundaries.
- When you are a captive audience to the emotionally abusive monologuer
The endless monologue of some emotionally abusive people is a tactic that keeps you silent and submissive. It's designed to wear you down until you finally give in.
- Ive stopped being abusive, let's have sex
Some emotionally abusive people do heal. And once they do, they might feel the relationship will be great from that point on. What they don't consider is that the victim of their abusive behavior is only starting their healing process.
- Don't gaslight yourself into thinking you're the abuser
The emotionally abusive relationship is confusing and draining. If you don't get a grip on what's going on, you may start to believe perhaps you are the problem and they are a saint. Let's fix that faulty thinking.
- The feelings of guilt and shame after leaving the abusive person
If you've ever questioned how to forgive yourself for choosing your own well-being over an abusive partner, you're not alone. If you're feeling guilt or shame for leaving an abusive person, this is an important episode to listen to.
- Breaking the trauma bond can be hard as hell
If you find yourself obsessively attached to someone who hurts you, is it a sign of a trauma bond? I'll tackle this challenging subject, shedding light on why you might stay in a relationship despite enduring hurtful behavior and what this…
- Can you heal from severe abuse while still in a severely abusive situation?
Some people will deflect blame and make you feel like the problem. In this episode, I dive into this subject by examining a heart-wrenching story from a listener whose partner's jealousy turned violent, leaving her questioning the future o…
- Why you may not be ready to call it abuse when it is abuse
The emotionally abusive relationship can sometimes be hard to define. How long must abusive behavior go on before actually admit that what's really happening is abuse?
- Do you end the relationship because they won't?
How do you know when it's time to instigate a split? If your partner's behavior leaves you feeling oppressed and defeated, and they refuse to change, and they also don't want to end the relationship, then what?
- The breadcrumbing of relationships' past
Breadcrumbing can be a manipulative way to keep someone in your mind so that you can't fully move forward, keeping you as a pawn in another person's game. In this episode, a person wrote to me talking about their ex, a 13-year breadcrumber!
- The language patterns of the abusive person
The way someone talks about their relationship reveals a lot. Abuse victims and perpetrators each have their own language patterns. Knowing these language patterns will help you understand on which side of the fence you're on.
- Can you ever go back to who you were?
In abusive relationships it might be difficult or even impossible to discern which parts of yourself are truly you and which are shaped by the abuse. Let's talk about what it takes to start building or rebuilding your identity.
- Never trust someone who wants to change who you are
You walk into an emotionally abusive relationship as one person, but where do you go after you're in one for a while? Is the person you're with trying to change you into someone you're not?
- The love of my life is the abuser in my life
Love can feel like a double-edged sword, cutting deep despite the tender moments. Or is that really love? Caring and kindness mixed with toxic, controlling behaviors create a dangerous emotional cocktail of bonding and trauma.
- Can someone change even after they've done something terrible to you?
They did the worst thing imaginable and now want you to stay in their life. Is it possible they can change? Should you give them a chance?
- You being the center of their attention is most of the problem
What does it take for an abusive person to change? A whole lot (if they even want to change), but this one component of healing is often one of the hardest for them to stop. Their consistent focus on you can make their healing and change m…
- When someone wants to change who you are
The one-off difficulties in relationships are perfectly normal for everyone. They're not welcome, necessarily, but normal. But what happens when the "one-offs" become systemic? What happens when they are non-stop? That's when changes are i…
- The empty threats that keep the abuse cycle alive
When they threaten to leave or take something away from you, but they never follow through, expect them to repeat that behavior indefinitely. Empty threats are effective on those who fear them coming true. There is a way to stop the empty…
- Trying to figure out who the emotionally abusive person really is in the relationship
You'd think it'd be easy to figure out: The hurtful one is the abusive one. But what happens when the victim gets convinced they are the abuser? Determining that while in the abuse cycle can sometimes be very difficult. However, I make it…
- When a relationship is not a relationship
"Everything's great with me," they say, as you sit there staring, confused, wondering what the hell you're missing because you're having a completely different experience as them. When is a relationship not an actual relationship anymore?
- Don't lock yourself into a worse situation
When you get into an emotionally abusive relationship, you have no idea what you're walking into. When you figure it out, you might have to make some tough choices. One of those choices might lead to getting deeper into something you know…
- Why abusive people need to maintain power and control over you
Some people just won't stop being hurtful. Why won't they stop? Are they just terrible people we have to accept and move on? Power and control is their M.O. and it's important you know why. For some there is hope. For others, well, it may…
- Those who hurt you have poor coping skills so give them a break... right?
Hurt people hurt people, so we should have compassion when they hurt us, right? You know the answer and I know the answer. How does the person who is hurting you start to change and heal, though? Lots to unpack here.
- The gradual shift from who you were to who you became in the emotionally abusive relationship
The person you were before the difficult relationship almost always looks and feels different than the person you became while in the difficult relationship. And losing that part of yourself may make you think there's no way back. Sometime…
- The growing resentment that can build when their hurtful behaviors never end
When someone keeps hurting you, you might blame yourself and think if you were only better, they'd stop. But as their hurtful behavior continues, resentment builds and you start questioning everything about yourself.
- Are you the reason someone is hurtful to you?
What is the cause of mistreatment in a relationship? Do you think it's possible you are reason someone is hurting you or trying to change you? If so, you need to listen to this episode. There are many reasons this is happening, but...
- When someone destroys what makes you happy
What do you do when someone shatters something that brought you joy? In this episode, I talk about understanding your limits in relationships and recognizing when resilience becomes a liability rather than a strength. It's important you kn…
- What makes taking a break from the relationship work?
Is there a path out of being stuck in the whirlwind of a toxic relationship? Maybe taking a step back and out of the situation a while will help you gain clarity and reconnect with yourself. What happens when you never get away from the to…
- When you can barely take care of yourself let alone give them what they want
What if you're doing all you can to maintain your own health and well-being but you have someone in your life who a consistent drain on your mental and emotional health? Can you rebuild your energy or do you have to accept that it may neve…
- When they shower you with love after they've done bad behavior
How can you tell if your partner's affection is genuine or a manipulation tactic? Love bombing usually takes place at the beginning of a relationship to create a strong bond between an abusive person and their victim. But it can also be us…
- When you decide enough is enough - the first step isn't the last
The victim of abusive behavior will eventually reach their breaking point. In that moment, they finally feel like they can take their life back. But they may still not be out of the woods yet during the transition from victim to empowered.
- What change really looks like when the emotional abuser heals
The healed former emotional abuser looks a lot different than the person they used to be. If you've ever accepted a hurtful person back into your life after they said they've changed but notice after a short while that their old behaviors…
- Feeling discarded when they leave the relationship
Why does it seem so easy for some people to leave a relationship, get into another one, and act as if the one they were in didn't mean anything? If you've felt discarded and can't stop thinking about what you did wrong, this episode is a g…
- When the emotional abuser reaches back out after they've healed and changed
When the emotional abuser apologizes and tries to make amends with their ex-partner after they've done a lot of personal growth and development, should they expect a response from their ex? Is that expecting too much? Or is it time for all…
- Time with yourself is not only necessary, its required
You give, you adapt, and you change who you are almost to your very core... to what end? When you are overly compassionate to others, you might actually be taking away from yourself. This is as harmful to your mind as a lack of sleep is to…
- Emotionally abusive behavior is also physically painful
Victims of emotional abuse can experience physical pain from all the trauma, potentially leading to increased tolerance and resilience of harm. They can gradually lose their identity due to the abuser's actions, becoming a shell of their f…