Grownups Are Lucky

About

Jason Porter, author of the novel Why Are You So Sad?, brings you a new story every week, each about two minutes in length, because who has time for anything longer than that?

Episodes

• Auction 2026-03-10

  Oh, like we are supposed to know what anything is about anymore, as if we can just write in here some brief explanation when all the $#!t has gone full on bonkers. Why don’t you tell us what this is about for once. Jesus. Make an effort.

• Assist 2025-11-17

  Our brains are our best feature and we are using them to build something to take their place so that we can drool in a corner, or maybe it will all be fine.

• Thrum 2025-09-05

  We are back with something that feels like it was bent and then stretched and then imprisoned and then released and then mistranslated and then turned into a glass trinket at the shopping mall. Yours to enjoy. Free of charge.

• Escape 2025-04-19

  Time is somewhere and wherever it is it is seemingly endless, like our time with the current former current president, endlessly predictable in its suffocating sense of endlessness.

• Breakfast 2025-03-09

  Episode two is totally off the rails. But in our defense there is a nationwide rails shortage. Bonus: This episode includes a free song that will tickle your terror bones.

• Fuck 2025-02-07

  A new season and an old nemesis. Catch back up with all your favorite characters and learn clever ways to enhance your love life.

• Touch 2024-11-09

  Did you ever notice how nobody seemed to notice that nobody was noticing because we were all too busy not noticing?

• Monkey 2024-10-25

  Take a step into the past, where you were just another hairy kid longing for speech.

• Love 2024-10-12

  We are all alone together.

• Assassinate 2024-09-21

  We were gone for a while, but so were you. This much anticipated installment is a story posing as a rant posing as a story. Also, a new sponsor!

• Collide 2024-04-18

  A lot of things happen on an airplane despite nothing actually happening on an airplane.

• Stumble 2024-03-12

  Stumble Jason Porter Time is like an uncomfortable canoe.

• Childproof 2024-02-23

  The future is whenever.

• Consent 2023-12-22

  It’s that time of year. Take care of yourself. Remember that spiritual fulfillment is in none of the places major advertisers are telling you to look. There is nothing under the tree that is going to fill your many voids. But, you do look…

• Pretend 2023-12-19

  We only have so much time and yet we mostly waste it. This podcast is also a waste of time, but under five minutes, so maybe listen while on the toilet.

• Isolate 2023-11-10

  An exciting episode that may or may not be an allegory about the creative process.

• List 2023-10-31

  While we do things we start to think about other things forgetting sometimes that all the time we are absolutely nothing.

• Party 2023-06-28

  Are we robots? Are robots us? Are we us?

• Post 2023-06-16

  Love is mostly feeling fine about mostly not feeling love in the way you mostly thought you might.

• Compute 2023-05-11

  There will exist a moment when we will look to something that doesn’t exist to help us figure out if and how to exist.

• Congregate 2023-04-06

  Let’s take it to the creator and ask for our money back, while also not holding our breath, because, let’s be honest, return policies these days are designed to overwhelm you until you give up. But don’t give up. You’re special. Probably.

• Befriend (again) 2023-03-15

  Today’s episode is a re-broadcast of a real emotional belch you’re just going to have to deal with. You don’t get to have ups without downs. Sir Isaac Newton probably said that in more high falutin terms. Other people probably said it too.…

• Wink 2023-03-02

  There is no point in waiting for everything to be good. Get on the dance floor. Shake it up. Barf a little in your mouth. Life is short.

• Laugh 2023-02-15

  This week’s episode features sleight of hand, and a special new segment on facial expressions.

• Resemble 2023-02-07

  Do you ever look in the mirror and think, I feel like I’ve seen that face before?

• Heist 2023-01-31

  What is love? What is a story? Why are we here? What comes tomorrow? This latest episode answers none of these questions!

• Repair 2022-02-15

  You are what you bring to the table, and you are alone at that table, even if there are other people at that table. They can’t help you, except for maybe being able to pass the salt.

• Bill 2022-01-13

  It’s a brand new season of Grownups Are Lucky, which means absolutely nothing, because we just took the stack of story recipes, shuffled them, and then changed the shit up like we were playing drunken Madlibs. And maybe we were. Who are yo…

• Write 2021-12-22

  As should come as no surprise, this year’s season finale doesn’t mistletoe the line, when it comes to holiday cheer.

• Live 2021-12-02

  This episode is so stupid you’ll feel great about yourself for not being as stupid as this episode.

• Commemorate 2021-11-23

  Death happens. Life happens. Smells happen. Pets happen. Grownups Are Lucky is back after going away just after falsely claiming it was back. Trust nobody, but also, enjoy!

• Unfold 2021-09-15

  Holy schitz, we’re back. Just when you were ready to give up on podcasts that were short enough to listen to while folding no more than ten pair of underwear. We’re back, you glorious listener! So enjoy! Because nothing lasts forever.

• Watch 2021-05-19

  Companionship can be found. It can be lost. It can be simulated on television.

• Nod 2021-05-10

  Trigger warning!: This is about that time you were at that place and you were pretty sure everybody wondered if you were actually invited to be in that place and the whole time you felt like everybody hated you and you still can’t confirm…

• Clap 2021-04-20

  The entire Grownups Are Lucky content production team dug down deep to put together several minutes of wildly unnecessary verbage.

• Urinate 2021-04-12

  We’re still at it. And we still have no idea what it is. But also it is you, listening, and then saying to yourself, “They are still at it, and I have no idea what it is.”

• Loosen 2021-04-05

  It’s all a sad loop. It’s always been like this. Enjoy!

• Remove 2021-03-13

  You’d be surprised who people think you look like in another part of the world where people don’t look like you.

• Jumble 2021-03-06

  The weather waits for no grandma.

• Dislike 2021-02-26

  This week’s episode includes a bad German accent, unsolicited life advice, and a puzzle!

• Patch 2021-02-18

  This week’s story can’t be bothered. If you want this thing in your living room you’re going to have to do the heavy lifting yourself.

• Trim 2021-01-18

  When you find yourself asking yourself, “what is the worst that can happen?” the answer is probably lots of terrible things.

• Count 2021-01-12

  Some people go places and then things happen to them and those things are bad for them, but not necessarily bad for their predators.

• Fart 2020-12-25

  All the elves are on furlough, so this is the best we could come up with, and let’s be honest, it’s a disappointment, but you’re used to that by now.

• Explore 2020-12-12

  There is a lot of space in space.

• Obey 2020-12-02

  Here is a story about a depressing sounding place where a kid is asking questions and his stuffed friends are doing their best to give some sound advice.

• Toss 2020-11-24

  Oh man, maybe things are getting better, but are they not also getting worse? Mathematically speaking, really bad + fucking horrifying + inhuman - a few bad people perhaps temporarily = still very bad.

• Pump 2020-11-17

  A shallow dive into a divided America.

• Respect 2020-11-10

  Oh no he didn’t. Oh yes he did.

• Talk 2020-10-19

  This one guy walks into a bar.