How to Teach Your Twins to Share
With twins in the house a big point of contention will be sharing. You might think that the easy way for you as the parent would be to get two of everything. However, this surely won’t work all the time and definitely doesn’t build character. And as we all know, your job as a dad, of course, is to “build character.” Right? Twin dad Kris Lloyd noticed that even when he bought “two of everything” for his non-identical twin girls, they wouldn’t necessarily use them at the same time, and “they always want the same exact” item the other twin is currently using. He found that the second item often “hardly got used much”. This was often the case in our home where one girl always wanted what the other had even if there were two identical items. So you have to solve the root problem to get a peaceful and happy home: teach your twins how to share from a very early age. Turn Timer Be careful when trying to force sharing. Instead of forcing one twin to hand over a toy to the other, focus on the concept of taking turns between twins. One trick that worked for us was the turn timer. We used a portable kitchen timer as the “turn timer”. When our girls would fight over something we’d pull out the timer, declare that it was so-and-so’s turn now and that it would be the other’s turn when the timer went ding. We’d set the timer for a minute or two based on how long we thought our child’s attention span was. After starting the timer, we’d ask the kid with the coveted item: “What happens when the timer dings?” and make sure they understand the turn-taking process. Yes, your twins get plenty of opportunities to share between themselves and other siblings. However, they still need some help and structure to get them in the good habits you are hoping to help them develop. It does baffle me that the kids will often listen to a small kitchen timer instead of just being obedient when my wife or I ask them to do something. Oh, well. There is nothing wrong with some extra tools in the parenting toolbox. Distract If taking turns isn’t going as smoothly as you’d like, then try the old distraction technique. Say, “Hey, look at that!” or pull out another toy or delicious food item to distract the sad, I-didn’t-get-what-I-want twin. Wait a Minute Especially when your twins are young, their attention span is extremely short. This means two things: First, set the turn timer for a very short time. Second, don’t be surprised if the item they were fighting over is discarded and your twins have moved on to something else rather quickly. The good news about sharing is that typically, your twins will be sharing better and earlier when compared to other singletons their same age. Here are those tips rewritten specifically for helping twins learn to share: Model the Behavior Your twins learn by watching adults and each other. Make a point of visibly and verbally sharing things with your twins and between family members. For example, say, “I’m going to share some of my popcorn with both of you,” or “I’m sharing my book with Mommy so we can read together.” Father of twins Tim Robinson emphasizes teaching good manners and communication from a young age. He insists on phrases like “Milk please” or “Excuse me, Mommy/Daddy”. He observes that this approach helps them interact, sometimes resulting in one twin saying, “Excuse me, brother, can I have that toy please?” which he finds “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”. Use Positive Reinforcement Praise your twins when you see them sharing with each other, even if it’s a small act. Use descriptive praise, such as, “I love how you shared your blocks with your sister. It made her so happy to build that tower together with you!” You should verbally praise your kids when they share. That will encourage this good behavior. Encourage Empathy Help your twins understand each other’s feelings. Once they are old enough to express their feelings, you can ask, “How do you think your sister (or insert the twin’s name) feels when they don’t get a