Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 2)
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Part I – Every Loss Has Meaning Chapter #1 What is Meaning? The person who sees death as sacred has found a way to find meaning in it. Pg 14 Kessler references Victor Frankl's cornerstone work, Man's Search for Meaning. Kessler says that this book is a beacon for those who wonder how meaning can emerge from tragedy… Frankl suggested that when we are faced with a situation that is hopeless and unchangeable, "we are challenged then to change ourselves". When we make the choice to change ourselves, we can turn tragedy into an occasion for growth. Pg 14 The hope that we find in individual situations of grief leads to a life full of meaning. As we move from one grief to the next, one disappointment to the next all the while we are challenged to change. Grief doesn't get smaller over time, we get bigger. Pg 15 Pain, death, and loss never feel good, but they're unavoidable in our lifetime. Yet the reality is posttraumatic growth happens more than posttraumatic stress. 15 Whenever you find it, meaning matters, and meaning heals. Pg15 Vision from the great Avengers of Marvel Comics says "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Chapter #2 Grief Must Be Witnessed Each person's grief is as unique as his or her fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn't mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining. Pg 29 Sitting shiva in Jewish culture seems to get the idea of grieving. For a time period of 3 to 7 days friends and family come to the mourners home and just sit with the people in grief. They say nothing unless they are spoken too. They are just present for the people that are grieving. This really is what grieving while having a witness is all about. Just being present. Just being seen. But in our hyper-busy world, grief has been minimized and sanitized. Pg 30 we have diluted it because it's scary to think about our own death. We like things we can control and we can control our busyness. We are very egocentric and attached to this life. We don't like not knowing exactly what awaits us in the next life. Grief should unite us. It is a universal experience. 30 The act of witnessing someone's vulnerability can bring the person out of isolation if the witnessing is done without judgment. (Great theme statement for AMG) 31 Grief is what's going on inside of us, while mourning is what we do on the outside. Pg31 When people ask me how long they're going to grieve I ask them, "How long is your love one going to be dead?" That's how long. I don't mean you will be in pain forever but you will never forget that person. 31 Loss can become more meaningful-and more bearable- when reflected and reflected accurately, in another's eyes. 33 If the love is real, the grief is real pg. 34 Good interaction exercise – Have two people who are grieving stand facing each other and place their hands over their own hearts. Then look into each other's eyes and say, "I witness your grief, I see your healing." This kind of witnessing of another's vulnerability can be very healing. Pg 34 As I read this in the book I found myself tearing up when thinking of the grief I have exper